I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We just shotgunned beers for America
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
