he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
