if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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