my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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