matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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