I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
