he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
