I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize