There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
