If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
