i need an iv and a liver transplant
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
