if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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