i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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