glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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