dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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