Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
