I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
