i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
