Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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