did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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