How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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