Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
NoShamevember. You game?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
