sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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