She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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