Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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