HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
