I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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