We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
