Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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