you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
