Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
