so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize