oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize