i really wish james franco would like my vagina
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
