So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
