i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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