so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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