i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
