we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
