The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
