i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize