I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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