guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
