The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dick very happy bro
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
