in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
