Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
