what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
