Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
