I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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