Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
