I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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