It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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