Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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