So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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