I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So apparently I’m into choking now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
