I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
