im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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