I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize