Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
