he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
