Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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