Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
