and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize