Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
