Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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