im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
