Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
