So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
