While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
