I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize