dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
