If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
