OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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