I smell stomach acid.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
