The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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