i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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