He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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