Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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