I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize