If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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