Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You smell like stripper and shame
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
