if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
