I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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