You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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