I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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