Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
