It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think my moral compass just broke
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
