Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize