I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
