sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
