Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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