I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
