My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
