He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There are leaves in my underwear?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
