I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
