Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can't turn off my feet"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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